


Everything's not okay

by ironfamfics



Series: Sweet Superfamily [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Irondad, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Superfamily (Marvel), i know i said this would be for sweet superfam stuff but like, sorta canon compliant, this was inspired by something i saw on tumblr i just can’t remember the exact post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 04:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20419814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironfamfics/pseuds/ironfamfics
Summary: Peter always says he can handle everything he's gone through, that he's fine and none of it bothers him anymore. But one day it all becomes too much to handle.





	Everything's not okay

**Author's Note:**

> i know its in the tags but just in case, please be aware this is like really angsty and includes a detailed panic attack! <3

Peter had never been good at talking about how he felt. He hated feeling like he was bothering people with things he was more than capable of handling on his own. After the Europe trip and Mysterio basically ruining his life he just wanted to hide, too many people would ask too many questions and every time someone brought it up, he felt his throat tighten and suddenly he couldn’t breathe and all he wanted was to hide.

The nightmares were the worst part. They started after he got stuck under the building, that was when the claustrophobia developed and it took all of his willpower not to shake when he was in elevators with other people. But the nightmares intensified after Europe, there were nights where he just wouldn’t sleep because he knew he’d wake up after a few hours. He focused all his energy on being Spider-man and school. 

He knew throwing himself into his schoolwork and being Spider-man wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism, but it gave him something to focus on that wasn’t the constant fear of illusions, that maybe Mysterio wasn’t really dead. It provided the escape he needed away from his thoughts, away from the irrational fears and the trauma he’d rather avoid like the plague than talk about. It was easier than pushing his worries on to someone else.

It wasn’t like anyone made him feel like he was a burden, in fact everyone made sure to always ask Peter how he was doing or how he was handling everything, he just never felt like bothering anyone with his irrational fears. Everything with Mysterio was over, his name was cleared, Mysterio was dead and his dads worked round the clock trying to find the people who’d worked with him. Logically he knew he was safe, but the nagging voice in the back of his mind never wavered. 

Honestly if life continued on as normal he probably would've been okay, it would've been easier to ignore it all if everyone acted like nothing happened. But his dads spent most of their waking moments trying to find everyone who worked with Mysterio, he knew they were trying to do what they thought was best for his safety, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss Tony being a helicopter parent, and Steve always making sure Peter was eating enough. 

He missed the normalcy of it all, he missed the lectures for staying up late, he missed Tony always warning him with “5 more minutes in the lab” but never doing anything to stop him from being there. With both of them never really being home, it felt like the earth had been thrown off its axis. Everything felt like it was too much, he always felt like he was suffocating, like the world was closing in around him. Like he was sitting in a car that was a light breeze away from falling off a cliff.

He reached the tipping point one day in the elevator. He patrolled nearly the entire night, using any excuse to avoid sleeping. He felt like his body was going to collapse so he decided to try to sleep, even if he didn’t sleep much, it was better than nothing. 

As he neared the elevators he saw Natasha and Sam standing in front of the elevator, looking down at a file she was holding and talking quietly. He approached them, thankful to have a distraction for the elevator ride. Sam seemed to sense that Peter was near them because he turned around and smiled at him. “Kid! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! How’ve you been?”

It took all of Peter’s willpower not to flinch at his loud voice, instead he smiled and shrugged. “I’ve been fine y'know, patrols have been pretty boring.” He’d said it in almost a whisper, the soft voice wasn’t usual for him. He knew Natasha caught on to it based on how she was looking at him, like she knew he was bullshitting them, but the ding of the elevator forced them all into a silence as they shuffled in and hit the floors they needed. He absentmindedly noted that they were both heading to the floor where briefings were held. 

Normally he would’ve tried to talk to them about their day or where they were headed, but he felt like he couldn’t breathe, the elevator felt too tight with the three of them in it, like the walls were closing in. He felt his breathing become heavy and tried everything he could to control it, but everything felt like it was spinning out of control. He couldn’t pay attention to anything no matter how hard he tried.

He felt Sam put his arm around him, almost protectively, and vaguely registered that he’d said something, but the sudden contact sent him over the edge. Suddenly the world was spinning out of control, he felt like his lungs had ceased working, like the last bit of air had left and nothing replaced it. He felt himself stumble backwards trying to find balance when he felt like he was falling, he felt Sam’s arms holding him up and the contact was too much for him to handle, he pushed away from his, losing his footing and hitting the floor hard. He saw the looks of concern on both their faces, he tried to focus on forming words but his lungs felt like they were on fire. 

He could see their lips moving but all he could hear was his blood rushing, he started shaking his head, this had to be a horrible dream and any minute he’d wake up. Except it wasn’t and he didn’t, it just became harder to breathe and he could feel his whole body shaking, the tears streaming down his face and suddenly all his nightmares were real.

It felt like he was stuck under that building and at the same time Mysterio was there to taunt him, all the feelings came flooding back like a broken dam. He couldn’t control the broken sounds that left his mouth, he hardly registered that he’d been making noise at all. He heard the elevator open, Sam and Natasha went to help him up but as soon as he felt their touch he was screaming. He couldn’t hear anymore, his thoughts were too loud, but he knew he was screaming. Even with him screaming, they persisted through helping him up and as soon as he was off the floor he was thrashing and screaming. The voice in the back of his head was suddenly front and center, practically screaming that he was in danger. That he needed to get away from them.

All he could think about was Mysterio, the gun pointed at his head, the lies, the illusions, the building falling on him, it was all too much. The memories and feelings were overwhelming, the weight of their hands felt too heavy. He saw Sam turn his head and yell something down the hall but his brain could only focus on the imminent danger it had convinced him he was in. 

They got him out of the elevator and let him sink back down to the floor, immediately giving him space he needed. He started rocking back and forth attempting to ground himself, but every time he moved it felt like he was moving tons of fallen debris from his body. It felt like his bones had been replaced with cement so he stopped moving, he sees some of the agents walk by and cast sympathy glances at him but Sam, Nat and two others he hadn’t initially seen were mostly blocking their view. He’s thankful for their protection, keeping prying eyes away from him. 

He registers familiar, loud footsteps, two sets of feet rapidly getting close to him accompanied by two equally loud voices and logically he knows it’s his worried dads. But the nagging part of his brain has taken over and all he can think about is the loud sounds of the illusions then the nothingness, the sound the building made when it fell on him, the train when it hit him and suddenly he’s screaming again. He feels like he’s on the edge of passing out and he doesn’t know if it’s from exhaustion or from not getting enough air into his lungs. 

He folds in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest and focusing his eyes on Nat’s sneakers in front of him. He tries to remember any breathing exercise but his mind is practically screaming at him. He tries to control his sobs but the more he tries to force himself to be okay, the worse it gets.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees one of his dads sit on the floor a few inches away from him. He wants to scream at everyone to leave him be, that all the people make him feel like he’s on the losing side of a fight. The only energy he can muster up is enough to repeatedly mutter “no” in between sobs. 

He squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds and in those few seconds he’s met with the horrifying things Mysterio made him see. His eyes shoot open and he can feel the scream tear through his throat, startling everyone around him. His eyes are wide and he’s shaking uncontrollably, it’s like he’s lost control of his body. He hates the feeling of his heart beating so fast it almost hurts. He starts clawing at his hoodie, not sure if he wants to get it off or find comfort in it.

It feels like he’s going to pass out any minute and the thought terrifies him. He’s not sure how long he’s sat there, screaming, sobbing and shaking, but his body feels even more exhausted now. His heads pounding like there’s a jack hammer in his skull, it makes him feel like the room is spinning. He closes his eyes to try and make it stop but as soon as he does he feels his head hit the floor.

When he opens his eyes it takes a few moments to register that he’s in his own bed, it takes another few moments to remember what happened and the embarrassment comes crashing down. The room is entirely dark he sits up slightly, the clock on his nightstand tell him it’s 5:45am. He looks around and realizes his dads must’ve slept there to watch him. Both of his bean bag chairs are pressed next to his bed, an Avengers blanket over them. He lets out a deep sigh and realizes his throat burns from all the crying and screaming. 

He stands up and his body screams at him to lay down, all his muscles ache but he simply stretches before walking out into the hallway. He can smell coffee from the kitchen and the dread of having to see his dads after what happened makes him want to throw up and hide. 

When he gets to the entryway of the kitchen he sees his pops, at the stove making pancakes and his dad, leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee. They’re both still wearing their clothes from yesterday and he feels guilty he made them worry so much. He stands in the doorway for a moment before he clears his throat and they whip around to face him. He averts his gaze to the floor, not wanting to see if they look at him with pity.

Nobody says anything, instead he feels his dad grab him first, pulling him into the worlds tightest hug, his pops quickly joining the hug. They stay like that for a moment and Peter tries his hardest to hold back anymore tears. His pops is the first to pull back, handing him a bottle of water and Peter knows the typical disappointed Captain America lecture is coming. He opens the bottle and practically chugs it all.

“You really scared us Pete.” He starts, his voice is soft and Peter know he’s royally fucked up so he just nods, the tears burning hot in his eyes. “You gotta talk to us kid, if somethings wrong you can tell us.” The genuine caring in his voice is what makes him break, the tears come streaming down hot and fast. 

“I know, I know. You guys were always busy and I didn’t want to be more of a burden than I am. Because I know dealing with the whole Mysterio thing is a lot for you guys and-” He cuts himself off, his voice is hoarse and broken, he hates how he sounds.

“Kid you are never a burden on us, we’re here to make sure you’re safe and comfortable. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night but if you need to talk about something, you can always come to us to talk.” His dad pulls him into another bone crushing hug and just cries into his shirt. They all stay like that until Peter stops crying.

“Eat, and tell us what’s been going on in that head of yours.” His pops says, setting a plate of chocolate pancakes down in front of Peter, with another bottle of water. He smiles up at his dads before covering the mountain of pancakes in syrup.

He tells them everything, from the nightmares that'd gotten worse over the years, to the panic attacks, and feeling like his problems might be bothersome. When he chokes up like he might start crying again, they offer reassuring words and small hugs. It feels good to finally get everything out in the open, to talk about all the things that have been bottling up inside him. 

When he’s done talking and eating, they both promise to be around more. To not put so much effort into finding the people who hurt Peter and focus on actually helping Peter. They also make him promise to be more open about his feelings, and he swears not to patrol for at least a week, to take time to himself. They even set up a list of things that might trigger Peter’s anxiety, and he’s thankful that his dads care so much about him. Even if they get caught up in protecting him rather than helping him, he knows they try their best.

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically a vent fic but im proud of how it turned out! im sorry about any typos, this wasn't proofread, any and all feedback is welcomed and loved!! I was also considering maybe making a tumblr where I can post these fics and maybe take requests!


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